They say.

I don't care what they say anymore.

They say these are the hardest years, but I disagree. I went through so much at a younger age, that I am prone to stupid situations and am a pro at gettting out of them. With some help of course. I think now is when we get to decide on what we want to do, or how we want to feel. They all want to help, and make things okay, but they never do. Most of the time They only make things worse. Worth the effort?

They say never tell someone that you know how they feel. This is true. I hate using that line and that line being used to. Even being in the exact same situation, you will absolutely never know how someone feels. You can UNDERSTAND how they feel, or feel for them, but its never the same. Nothing is ever the same twice. Why do you think everyone has different finger prints?

They say everything will be good in the end. And they are getting closer to the truth on this one. I have found myself using this line many times. Not to myself of course. But it finds it self to be more true then not. The only problem is is that there is never an end. EVER. Even when we die there is no end. Sure were gone and our bodies are 'resting in peace' it will be the end for us. But everything everyone does, did, or ever will do will effect someone adn therefore, there is no end. So when do you know when you are supposed to be happy?

They say never say never. This is basically true. I recently realized that you don't know who will randomly either come in your life, or if they're already in it, change it. They can take you by surprise. Not all positive though. I never expected myself to fall for what my dingdong friends fall for. BUT hey look at that. I did. I said I would never do that, but I did. So I agree with this. But saying never sets good boundries and morals to effect your consious. So I guess they could be wrong for some people on this one. Hmm?

They say follow your heart. Boy how I wish I would have listened to them earlier. For a time period in my life I have found myself doing what I didn't want to do to fit in. I am at the point where I honestly don't care. In 8th grade when I changed everything I ever was or stood for to finally have the best friend (Riley) I had looked for, I was following my heart. My pre-Riley friends thought of course that it was because I wanted to be popular and bla bla bla. I believed them. I thought I was being a terrible friend for popularity, but in the end I realized it was becuase they gave me a reason to go looking for new friends anyways. Why should I feel bad for having caddy friends?

So next time they think that they know how you feel, promise you that it will be okay in the end, or never say never, tell them to go away. The only piece of advise that you should get from them is to follow your heart. In the end of the day there is no they, them, or those, all there is is you, I, and me, and your own happiness.

Hannah Montana gets what I mean.

Gonna be famous:)

Okay it is still just a fantasy. But guess what?! I recorded one of my songs today. It is the best song I have ever written because it is one of the only songs I have written for me. I was just sitting in my room listening to nevershoutnever and eating M&Ms and then my dad called up and asked me if I wanted to record!

I was so excited! I have been wanting to record some of my songs for a while but I have never gotton around to it. This is one I wrote on the piano the summer between freshman and sophomore year. My dad has a whole recording station thing in the basement. It is cool. First my dad showed me what I all had to do.

Then he set up a new track for me and I recorded my piano part. It was kind of challenging playing the piano without singing. At part I had to because I didn't know what came next. I messed up once but it wasn't a major error. Then i goofed around with the different sounds the computer did. There were so many effects and diffrent instruments I could choose from! It was great! Then we got it all set up so I could sing along with my piano. It was werid becuase I have never just sang the song without playing with it. I thought it was really neat. I felt famous singing MY song into a microphone! Ahhhh:)

Eventually my dad got it all put together and I have my first recorded song! I think I am going record all my finished songs and then put an actual CD together. Then I am thinking about sendnig it to record companies to see if they like me. I know this sounds alittle cockey, but this is something real to me. I don't have the major brains like my sister, and I can't control any electronic like my brother (though I always manage to majically fix the TV when it breaks and noone else can fix it) but I can sing, and write songs, and lyrics. It's a huge part of who I am and if I can at least try to get somewhere with what I am good at, I will. It's just who I am.

This is the song I recorded, but it is the very first version of it and it isn't complete in this video. This was taken in November 2008 so CHECK IT OUT:)

Hello 2010:)

So basically I almost just put 20010. I am a little out of it. Tomorrow is new years eve. It is probaly one of my favorite holidays. It is a time where you can make resolutions you probally won't keep, pretend like everything will be differnt in the new year and hang out with friends.

My resolutions this year are to stop biting my nails (promise won't happen), lose 7 lbs (possible), and be a better/ nicer person. I have been saying I will stop biting my nails since I started, and it just isn't going to happen. I love my short nails, they are just me. I have lost 14 lbs since the last day of 10th grade, and I want to lose 7 more. It is a definate strech, but with 12 months ahead of me to do it, I think I will! And I am not really a mean person, I just find myself crabby to much. The problem is that I am only crabby with certain people. Usually it is the people I love the most. My family usually sees the crabby side, along with my bestfriends. I don't mean to be rude to them, I guess I just assume they will love me anyways. So far so good, but I am going to make a STRONG effort into not being so mean and bossy.

I have kept a diary since 6th grade. I need one. I usually get big ones that I can put endless amount of words in. The diary I have now I have had since January 1st, 2007. I decided it was time to move in. It is hard though because everything that makes me me is in there. When my WHOLE life changed, my diary was one of my few constants. I think I am deciding to stop writing becuase I have this crazy idea in my head that a new diary means a new perspective on life. It might be true. I mean when I am having a hard time, I rearrange the furniture in my room to make the energy diffrent, why can't my new diary do the same? I think I am thinking it will because when I switched to this one it did. I grew up in it. So I am hoping that 2010, with a new diary in hand, will help me change my life again. For the better!

Every year I find myself doing very different things for new years eve. Until I was in seventh grade all I did would be watch Disney Channel. Then I started hanging out with friends. This year I am hanging out with a big group of friends and I hope it will be fun. It probally will be. I think people use this holiday as an excuse to hang out. Just like everyother holiday I guess!


I honestly hope 2010 is fun. If the world really does end in 2012(doubt it) then I want the rest of my years leading up to it to be AWESOME! A new year is just a figment of time which doesn't really exist, but it's also a new beginging . For a lot of people it is a majical start for something new:)

I bite my nails.

But I am obsessed with colorful nailpolish. It is a weird situation I am in. It all started in daycare when I saw my daycare lady biting her nails. I honestly have no idea how I remember that. I guess I am a visual learner. But still. I can't really paint nails either. I can my toes, but not my fingers or anyone elses fingers or toes. It is strange. Anyways since that day on I have bitten my nails.

They are short. If you look at your finger where your nail starts, and then look all the way to your finger tip, my nails are half way between that. People always ask me if it hurts that they're that short and the answer is no. They used to bleed a lot when I was a kid, but I'm used to that. They have never been longer then they are now. I also think that is why I don't have a motivation to grow them out. I am so used to them being short. It is hard opening somethings, but other then that most the effects are positive. I don't cut myself or other people when I touch them. I don't have to worry about them breaking or chipping. When I play my guitar and the piano, i don't have to listen to the clicking. The one and only major reason why I would even consider growing them out is because I love colors.

I love all colors. There is no such thing as a bad color, because they all have a color mate out there. Most colors just don't look good on short nails. They really show off how short they actually are. I can only use REALLY light colors. My favorite ones that I have are this shiny pink white and a blueish purpelish see through color. Luckily, I don't bite my toe nails so I can paint them pretty colors, only I hate wearing flipflops, or shoes that show my toes, so no one can ever see my brightly colored toes.

It might be weird that I still bite my nails. I know it isn't very girly of me. But I think everyone needs something that makes them unique, to bring them together with someone who has almost the same weirdness that you do. My friend Brittany has short fingernails too. Her fingers are smaller and my nails are still shorter, somedays they are the same, but still. It is a uniqueness not most girls have. Maybe someday I will get a manequer? or however you spell it.

I try to be a nerd.

I like doing really well in school. I currently have a 3.76 GPA and am 101 out of 432 in my grade. My goal before graduation is to have a 3.8 GPA and have my class rank over 100. If you would have asked me in middle school if I liked school I would have said no. I got a B avarage. Which isn't incredably bad, especially when there is only 80 people in your grade and a B is one of the top grades. Now in highschool, with many more then 80 people, the stakes are higher and the pressure is on.

I have some classes that are just a given I am going to get an A. I will get one in choir and math definately. All science, im in chemistry now, and spanish are very interesting to me so I try really had to get an A, which I do. Freshman language arts was fun, but last year it was kind of a joke, so I have gotton A's in those. This year I got a B+ but being it an AP class and all I consider that good. Same with my electives. I try to get A's in them and I pretty much do.

I also want to go to a college outside of Iowa. There is nothing wrong with Iowa, just after moving so much as a child I am sick of feeling stranded. I don't hate my family or anything, I just need to meet new people and I am ready to move on in my life. Also, having moved 6 times, money is kind of tight so I have to do my best to get scholarships. I do a decent amoung of extra-cirricular activites so I think that will look good on them. I luckily made National Honor Society too.

I plan to go to California. I want to go to the University of San Francisco. That is where my mom went. I plan to move there and become a famous rockstar. Sure everyone moves to California for that reason. The difference is is I havn't gone my whole life around that particular dream. I have already lived in California once, so I am not "destined" to see what it has to offer me. I have already planned to go to other schools to so I think that is why I'm not setting my whole life around it. It will probally change.

My favorite subjects are science and spanish. I think I want to go to Spain in my third year of college. I either want to go to Spain and become an english language teacher, or I want do become a medical curer. I think finding the cure for diseases would be awesome. I could help so many people! I also love to sing and play music though, so if the rockstar future works out for me then I will have to choose. Who knows? Maybe my legacy will be the rockstar who graduated from USFCA, lived in Spain, and found the cure for AIDS. What a life that would be!

Diary love.

I have kept a diary since I was in 6th grade. I had ones taking me through my move to Sumner, Iowa until today. The current one I use started January first 2007. (8th Grade). People think that that is weird or lame. "Oh my gosh she keeps a diary, what a baby." But in truth, it has kept my sanity at times. It is the only place you can write exactly every single one of your true feelings and it is the only thing you know will keep your secrets.

The summer of 2007 changed my life forever. I grew up that summer in many ways. I found my best friend, left her and my first boyfriend, and had to start over here, a place I didn't want to live, all on my own. Moving is hard even with support from family, new friends, and old ones. It was the most crazy time that I have ever had in my life, and at the end of the day the only thing I really had was my diary. Sure my family was a constant, they always have been. But no one survives on family alone. My diary holds not only major events, but my thoughts and words that I wrote about the hard time.

Since I have had it for three years, it is fun going back to dates one or two years ago and reading what happened. I don't write every single day like I used to. But I write on all the important ones. It is strange how much three years can do. How much one day can do. How every minor event can someday change your life. The people who don't record their life aren't going to remember some events that change their lives. I fell special that I will.

I have often thought of publishing my diary. I decided that I would only do it when I leave for good. Everyone would be surprised. Even people who think they mean nothing to me, they would find out they do. The only real problem with that is that I wouldn't have anything left as a secret for me. I like having something trustworthy all to my self. I have told my share of secrets just like everyone else, but there are secrets I would never tell, and my diary knows them. Go Ask Alice is one of my favorite books. It is a published diary. I think that was what gave me the idea. I probally never will, but I do think about it sometimes.

Hidden talent?

I guess playing the piano since pre age 5 is talent. I never new how to read music until I started playing the flute. Then I knew what all the notes were. I sing, play piano, and the flute. Who knew I could play the guitar?

My dad has played the guitar my whole life. When we lived in California I remember he would always sit on our back porch and play with my uncle, or whoever was at our house. I love the guitar. The way the strings hold for almost ever. The fact that there is endless possibilties for notes. They make it such a beautiful instrument. My brother got guitar hero for Christmas, and a bass for his birthday. Together they inspired him to make music. I always have had the piano, but it is hard to be a rockstar on one instument alone. I mean look at the Jonas brothers. Kevin can only play bass or guitar or whatever he plays, and Joe can't really do anything but sing. Nick can sing, play guitar, piano, and drums. It is no wonder he is the most famous, and going off on his own for a while. I want to be a famous rockstar and my piano was losing its' magic. I had to take a break.

I have always been a visual learner. I guess 16 years of watching my dad finally paid off when I picked up the guitar I have had since I was 14. It was weird. My fish was sick, my brother had surgery, winter was coming, school was getting hard, and everything was out of the norm. So I took my guitar out of its' case and played it. The first day I played it I wrote a song. It isn't complete, but it gave me a promising start to my guitar carerr.

I currently have two songs in the making, and can play part of a song my dad has played around me my whole life. I took secretly a poster of guitar chords from my brother's room and use it when I am stumped. It is portable, and I can play it hiding in my room, rather then in front of my family in the living room. I play it everyday, even if it is only one of my incomplete songs.

I might not ever be a rockstar, and I will return to my first love of my piano I promise, but it is great to know I can do more then I think I can. It is hard being a teenage girl. There is no argueing against that. Having an escape is a great way out, and I have found mine. :)

My dad used to play this song to me and it used to make me cry. It is a great guitar song.

PRINCESS!!! :(:(

My fish died over break. I am pretty depressed. Now I have nothing staring at me when I walk in my room. I have no pet to be resposible for. The worst part is is that there was nothing I really could have done.

Princess was a male betta (Bet-uhh) fish. I got him in about March or April of 2009. He lived in my room next to my window. The light always made his pinks, blues, and purples shimmer in the water. I fed him every single day. There were times when I fed him to much. One time I accidently dumped half the bottle of food in his tank, and he attempted to eat it all. He didn't eat for a couple of days after that. When I came back from my summer vacation he was so excited to see me. I tend to sing a lot in my room and Princess would always have his head next to the glass litenting to me.

I spent a lot of time studying my fish. I wondered how he was always so happy even though he spent most of his life alone in the fish bowl I had for him. My dad raises bettas and told me that they have been pets for so long, they love being around people, but didn't mind being alone. My dad raises and mates bettas and knows a lot about them. That is how I know so much. It bothers me when people pronounce it wrong, or think they know about them when they're wrong.

When it got colder I moved Princess away from my window. It was just to cold for him to survive. Unfortunately, my room was still too cold. Like when people get chapped lips, Princess's lip got chapped and fell off. I noticed something was wrong and gave him to my dad to fix him. It was too late. When I got home one night my dad told me that he had died and already flushed him so I wouldn't have to look at him. It was really sad.

I am still really sad about it. It is hard just writing this. I mean it was just a fish that I had for a while, but he really meant a lot to me. There were days when he was my only friend, and I hate that he's gone. You may think I am crazy but I'm not. I have lost someone that I love. I refuse to get another fish. Nothing will ever take Princess's place. Ever.

This is what Princess used to do, even though he wasn't an angel fish. He loved me.

Picture much?!

I have to admit. I love my picture being taken. It doesn't matter what time of day, or what I am wearing. I just love being in front of the screen. I currently have 2213 pictures of myself on facebook. Some people would say that that is weird or self-obsessive. But really it is just that I like the people who look at my pictures to see me on any type of day.

My room is filled with pictures. I have two bullitan boards FILLED with picutres. One is of me and my friends from the previous year, the other one is for my friend's homecomming, WPA, sports, and dance pictures (Not saying dance isn't a sport, don't worry coli (I know I called you Coli but I didn't know if you wanted your name on here)). On one wall I have all my sports pictures from previous years. Oh I lied I have three bulliten boards; the other one is pictures from middle school that I put up when I moved here after middle school and didn't want to take down. I also have at least 11 picture frames of family and friends. One is a collage that my friend Riley made me of us as a birthday/ going away present. I don't take them down. I love my walls being filled. They are not only full of pictures but 3 calanders, six posters, mirrors, and windows. It works for me. I am running out of space, I might have to start using the cealing. :)

I like taking pictures too. I have had camera issues in the past, but I am getting a red one (second favorite color) for Chritmas. I am super excited. I like taking pictures of scenery for my computer background. Currently it is a picture of my backyard flowers that I took last summer on my birthday. Taking pictures is fun. It helps remember good and bad times forever.

I am inclosing a photograph of flowers because I took it and they are pretty. :)