I am on a mission.

I have decided to lose 10 lbs. I'm not that much over weight, but there has been a lot of bad feelings in my life lately and I think it would be best for me.

I really hate having small friends. They are unnaturally small, and me being normal, ends up looking a lot bigger then I am. It is very unfortunate.

I know people still like me, and I know that how I look really doesn't (or at least shouldn't) matter to the right person, but this is for me.

The bad part is that I should have done it years ago. People did actually care in middle school and high school and now that I am out of it I shouldn't be caring.


But being a freshman in college where every single guy (I wish I was being dramatic) at this point in life wants a stereotypical stupid alcholic whore--which I am not.

So with all of the contradictions it seems as if I shouldn't care and be myself and be happy. And well, I am happy.

Just not as happy as I know I could be if I lost those darn 10 lbs.

Here we go again.

So I have not written in the blog for quite some time. I have used other forms of writing: homework, diary, journal.. but maybe I want people to read about my crazy life. No I don't expect anyone to read this, but if you do, welcome to the life of me:)

I am so sick of school.

I am on the verge of not being able to take it anymoer. I understand that the year is wrapping it up and some teachers who have slacked all year are rushing to teach us everything (not you mr. ayers) and some teachers just dont care, but I dont care. I dont want to do 500 projects, or have tons of stupid homework the requires a computer so im trapped indoors on 80+ degree days. I don't want to focus in class. I AM SICK OF SCHOOL!

I know excusses are bad and annoying but Im goign to use one anways. When it is nice ouside and since I live by a park, I probablly am not going to do my homwrok until like 8 to 9 ish. And by that time I am so tired by my days activites that I just want to eat shower and go to bed. I dont do my homework on days I have to wrok. I am soooo tired afterwards.

Next week I have an AP psych project due monday, a paper over a movie i barely paid attention to becuase it was wierd and i was doing my other homework due monday, a presentation to give, chem, math, and probablly spanish tests I have to do during the week, oh and I work 20 hours this weekend. I don't have time nor the patientce nor the care.

Last term I got a 4.0 and I worked sooo hard for that. This term started out with Sweeny Todd which ruined the start of a good GPA. I currently have a 3.6 to 3.7 depending on if there is a test added that day or not. I know that that isn't like super bad but compared to a 4.0 it is. I am just really stressed out and my mom is hounding me about doing better even though im not doing that fricken bad. Im annoyed.

Plus all that I have meet a boy that Ive been takling too and some of my freidns are whining at me that I never hang out with them and my other friends never want to hang out so my social life is on the edge right now. Its stressful trying to manage my time. Also when there are ceremonies for accomplishments or something. I have no time, the weather is too nice, my friends are too gay, and I am SICK OF SCHOOL.

Fingernails!

So on Saturday I got fake nails or the first time in my life. It was exciting. As much as I think they're kind of pretty, I really miss my short stubby nails.



My nails origionally less then one centimeter long. They have always been that way. I have learned to live with using the tips of my fingers for everything. They have a lot of feeling in them and now they are trapped by plastic. Taking my contacts out sucked so bad. It is not day three and I am used to them but it is still weird.

okay so I just switched from computer to iPod so well see how this goes lol. But anwyas. Talking about my nails made me want to paint them so I painted them then orange and then decided I wanted them this pretty clearish color I have. They are like metallic purple and pretty:) for the longest time that is the only reason I wanted them long, but now that they are I realize bright color nails just don't look good one. Or clashes with my other bright colors. I also realized that I have been missing out on 16 years of painting nails and I really suck at it.

----------------6 days later----------------------------------------

So it has been 6 days since I have gotton them and I am already sick of them. I have cut all my fingers down so they are shorter then the tip of my finger. They are painted a really shiny pinkish whiteish color and sure they look pretty but I hate them. I dont think I will get them again. It was a super waste of money. I only got them because I had wanted too my whole life and now that I have tried them I know that I will never waste my money on them again. Someone elses money-- probablly not. but not mine.

these ones are cool though!

Jobssss.

So I will have to admit. I have a pretty good summer job. Working at Pecks is fun. Especially when I get to work outside with the trees flowers and boys. It is a good time. You can feel the outside air which for right now will be good, but towards the end of the summer might suck. If I even work that long. The point is, well there is not point exactly. It will be a good time:)

But as we all unfortunataely know summers end. And if I want to be driving and paying gas I am going to have to get another job. Now I work on my feet for eight hour shifts with one break, sometimes two depending on how your feeling. It sucked at first but now I am used to standing on my feet for long periods of time.

I never used to want to work in a resturant for lots of reasons. Being around food might make me hungary. You don't always get minimum wage, becuase they're expecting you to get tips. And you are on your feet for many hours. None of those things seem like a problem now that I'm expirenced in the working world. The money thing might be werid.. but it just depends I guess.

I think it would be fun to work at a resturant thats hoppin. Like Chilies or Buffalo Wild Wings. I think that would be fun! Especailly if you worked at night. I don't think I could be a waitress becuase Im under 18 and they serve alchol. But I think I'd be a darn good greeter! It would be fun.If not that then I would want to work at the movie theatre maybe. I mean yuo'd get to see a lot of movies. I'd probally want to work at the cheap theatre because it's a lot more fun to go to that one.

But who knows. It is a couple months away. And who knows? If something else turns up that sounds even better I'll take it. Im just being me and thinking far, far, ahead. :)

I'm feeling creative.

I don't know why. I just get this way sometimes. I just feel like drawing and coloring. It is usuaally at the times in life where I don't feel anythign. Nothing bad happening, nothing good happening. Should be studying or doing homework. Buttttt no. All I want to do is sit in my brightly colored room adn color. All around my room I have color. Most of it I have done. Those aditions usually take place on days like today where I don't have work and just want to color. The fun days.

You can tell the days at school when I feel creative if you look at my math note book. I used to have fun writing lyrics from a song down or writing my name in 500 different ways. Then I mvoed on to drwing animals, but now I draw monsters. I love htem. They are sometimes furry and have 5000 eyes. Or they are square and have one huge eye. (examples.) The point is is that I love coloring monsters in my math notebook.

I guess playing the paino would fit into my creativness. I am writing a luliby right now. It is so pretty all I want to do is keep playing it. But nooooo moms TV shows get dominance in the living room. Gurrrr. Playing the paino isn't really fun unless I'm home alone anwyas. Then I can play really loud nad sing really loud. I feel more comfterable writing songs in privacy too. Then I don't get opinions while working. It messes with my flow. I love the piano.

Writing stories is sometimes fun too. But usually only in the summer. I get sick or writing during the school year. Homework just runs me down. But in the sumemr you can draw little stick figures and make up names for them and their life stories. It is really fun.

I knwo this blog is rather random. But I am in teh creative mood. Maybe I will color pictures of dinosaurs and monsters after this. That will be fun:)

My hair.

I don't knwo what to do with my hair. I want to keep it long. I want to cut it short. I want bangs. I hate bangs. I waanna be a ginger. I love my blond hair. I want a middle part. I want a side part. I dont know what to do with my hair.

Until I moved to Cedar Rapids Iowa I have always had my hair parted down the middle, different legnths, but layery. My "bangs" have always been at like chin legnth. Now however, I am growing up. I want to look pretty which means I have to do something with my hair.

Right now it's like long but not super long. I want to cut it short, but I always regret it when I do. So I think I will just try to grow it out. I am sick of my layers so Im trying to focus on growing those out to one legnth. I don't know.

I think I want side swept bangs. However summer is coming up and i don't want to have to straighted them like 500 times a day. But I have a weird shapped head for long bangs. It is just a bad situation.

I really wanna dye my hair red. Not like the color red, but like the red head red. My hair is naturally like that in the summer. Well like that ish. And then in the fall it turns gold, a weird brown blond color in the winter, and light brown in the spring. It's werid. However, I am too chicken and I like my hair color, and im too lazy to keep up with redying and stuff. So I'll just leave it the way it is.

I love my hair parted in the middle. Unfortunately I have a fat face. That's not a putdown. It is a fact. And middle hair is not for the chubby faced people. So I guess I will leave my hair parted on the side. The problem is how far to the side? Do I get close to the middle or close to my ears? It's a delima.

Besides summer and laziness, senior pictures are comming up. I don't want my hair to look stupid in them, so I dont wnat to do anything too rational to my hair. But what if it looks cute if I chop it off or dye it red? I don't know. Hair hair hair.


My two favorite hair celebrities