I am so sick of school.

I am on the verge of not being able to take it anymoer. I understand that the year is wrapping it up and some teachers who have slacked all year are rushing to teach us everything (not you mr. ayers) and some teachers just dont care, but I dont care. I dont want to do 500 projects, or have tons of stupid homework the requires a computer so im trapped indoors on 80+ degree days. I don't want to focus in class. I AM SICK OF SCHOOL!

I know excusses are bad and annoying but Im goign to use one anways. When it is nice ouside and since I live by a park, I probablly am not going to do my homwrok until like 8 to 9 ish. And by that time I am so tired by my days activites that I just want to eat shower and go to bed. I dont do my homework on days I have to wrok. I am soooo tired afterwards.

Next week I have an AP psych project due monday, a paper over a movie i barely paid attention to becuase it was wierd and i was doing my other homework due monday, a presentation to give, chem, math, and probablly spanish tests I have to do during the week, oh and I work 20 hours this weekend. I don't have time nor the patientce nor the care.

Last term I got a 4.0 and I worked sooo hard for that. This term started out with Sweeny Todd which ruined the start of a good GPA. I currently have a 3.6 to 3.7 depending on if there is a test added that day or not. I know that that isn't like super bad but compared to a 4.0 it is. I am just really stressed out and my mom is hounding me about doing better even though im not doing that fricken bad. Im annoyed.

Plus all that I have meet a boy that Ive been takling too and some of my freidns are whining at me that I never hang out with them and my other friends never want to hang out so my social life is on the edge right now. Its stressful trying to manage my time. Also when there are ceremonies for accomplishments or something. I have no time, the weather is too nice, my friends are too gay, and I am SICK OF SCHOOL.

Fingernails!

So on Saturday I got fake nails or the first time in my life. It was exciting. As much as I think they're kind of pretty, I really miss my short stubby nails.



My nails origionally less then one centimeter long. They have always been that way. I have learned to live with using the tips of my fingers for everything. They have a lot of feeling in them and now they are trapped by plastic. Taking my contacts out sucked so bad. It is not day three and I am used to them but it is still weird.

okay so I just switched from computer to iPod so well see how this goes lol. But anwyas. Talking about my nails made me want to paint them so I painted them then orange and then decided I wanted them this pretty clearish color I have. They are like metallic purple and pretty:) for the longest time that is the only reason I wanted them long, but now that they are I realize bright color nails just don't look good one. Or clashes with my other bright colors. I also realized that I have been missing out on 16 years of painting nails and I really suck at it.

----------------6 days later----------------------------------------

So it has been 6 days since I have gotton them and I am already sick of them. I have cut all my fingers down so they are shorter then the tip of my finger. They are painted a really shiny pinkish whiteish color and sure they look pretty but I hate them. I dont think I will get them again. It was a super waste of money. I only got them because I had wanted too my whole life and now that I have tried them I know that I will never waste my money on them again. Someone elses money-- probablly not. but not mine.

these ones are cool though!

Jobssss.

So I will have to admit. I have a pretty good summer job. Working at Pecks is fun. Especially when I get to work outside with the trees flowers and boys. It is a good time. You can feel the outside air which for right now will be good, but towards the end of the summer might suck. If I even work that long. The point is, well there is not point exactly. It will be a good time:)

But as we all unfortunataely know summers end. And if I want to be driving and paying gas I am going to have to get another job. Now I work on my feet for eight hour shifts with one break, sometimes two depending on how your feeling. It sucked at first but now I am used to standing on my feet for long periods of time.

I never used to want to work in a resturant for lots of reasons. Being around food might make me hungary. You don't always get minimum wage, becuase they're expecting you to get tips. And you are on your feet for many hours. None of those things seem like a problem now that I'm expirenced in the working world. The money thing might be werid.. but it just depends I guess.

I think it would be fun to work at a resturant thats hoppin. Like Chilies or Buffalo Wild Wings. I think that would be fun! Especailly if you worked at night. I don't think I could be a waitress becuase Im under 18 and they serve alchol. But I think I'd be a darn good greeter! It would be fun.If not that then I would want to work at the movie theatre maybe. I mean yuo'd get to see a lot of movies. I'd probally want to work at the cheap theatre because it's a lot more fun to go to that one.

But who knows. It is a couple months away. And who knows? If something else turns up that sounds even better I'll take it. Im just being me and thinking far, far, ahead. :)

I'm feeling creative.

I don't know why. I just get this way sometimes. I just feel like drawing and coloring. It is usuaally at the times in life where I don't feel anythign. Nothing bad happening, nothing good happening. Should be studying or doing homework. Buttttt no. All I want to do is sit in my brightly colored room adn color. All around my room I have color. Most of it I have done. Those aditions usually take place on days like today where I don't have work and just want to color. The fun days.

You can tell the days at school when I feel creative if you look at my math note book. I used to have fun writing lyrics from a song down or writing my name in 500 different ways. Then I mvoed on to drwing animals, but now I draw monsters. I love htem. They are sometimes furry and have 5000 eyes. Or they are square and have one huge eye. (examples.) The point is is that I love coloring monsters in my math notebook.

I guess playing the paino would fit into my creativness. I am writing a luliby right now. It is so pretty all I want to do is keep playing it. But nooooo moms TV shows get dominance in the living room. Gurrrr. Playing the paino isn't really fun unless I'm home alone anwyas. Then I can play really loud nad sing really loud. I feel more comfterable writing songs in privacy too. Then I don't get opinions while working. It messes with my flow. I love the piano.

Writing stories is sometimes fun too. But usually only in the summer. I get sick or writing during the school year. Homework just runs me down. But in the sumemr you can draw little stick figures and make up names for them and their life stories. It is really fun.

I knwo this blog is rather random. But I am in teh creative mood. Maybe I will color pictures of dinosaurs and monsters after this. That will be fun:)

My hair.

I don't knwo what to do with my hair. I want to keep it long. I want to cut it short. I want bangs. I hate bangs. I waanna be a ginger. I love my blond hair. I want a middle part. I want a side part. I dont know what to do with my hair.

Until I moved to Cedar Rapids Iowa I have always had my hair parted down the middle, different legnths, but layery. My "bangs" have always been at like chin legnth. Now however, I am growing up. I want to look pretty which means I have to do something with my hair.

Right now it's like long but not super long. I want to cut it short, but I always regret it when I do. So I think I will just try to grow it out. I am sick of my layers so Im trying to focus on growing those out to one legnth. I don't know.

I think I want side swept bangs. However summer is coming up and i don't want to have to straighted them like 500 times a day. But I have a weird shapped head for long bangs. It is just a bad situation.

I really wanna dye my hair red. Not like the color red, but like the red head red. My hair is naturally like that in the summer. Well like that ish. And then in the fall it turns gold, a weird brown blond color in the winter, and light brown in the spring. It's werid. However, I am too chicken and I like my hair color, and im too lazy to keep up with redying and stuff. So I'll just leave it the way it is.

I love my hair parted in the middle. Unfortunately I have a fat face. That's not a putdown. It is a fact. And middle hair is not for the chubby faced people. So I guess I will leave my hair parted on the side. The problem is how far to the side? Do I get close to the middle or close to my ears? It's a delima.

Besides summer and laziness, senior pictures are comming up. I don't want my hair to look stupid in them, so I dont wnat to do anything too rational to my hair. But what if it looks cute if I chop it off or dye it red? I don't know. Hair hair hair.


My two favorite hair celebrities

Blogs about love.

I know I have blogged a lot about love before. But I feel like doing it again. All my best blogs involve some sort of personal story. However I don't really have one to share. My guy situation changes daily, so anything I say today may not apply tomorrow anyways.

The guy I blogged about in my last blog is weird. Like I said we fought all the time and didn't get along, but towards the end we didn't fight at all. We had actual conversations. Yesterday however reminded me how much of a dick he actually is. He is probally one of the biggest hyprocrites I've ever met, especially since he always points out my flaw of being a hypocrite. I will admit that I am. I always have a reason that makes since to me, but not to others. The point is is that I don't care. I still have friends and stuff sooo who cares? He is just a baby.

He told me for like an hour last night about how he didn't care about me or what i did blah blah blah. But I know for a fact that he does. If he didn't he wouldn't have tried so hard to convince me that he doesn't care. He wouldn't have texted me back. He wouldn't tell me he hated me, he would just ignoor me and act like I don't exist. I may be nieve but I'm not stupid. I do that stuff too so I would know. The ones that matter are the ones you love and the ones you hate. If I honestly didn't matter to him he wouldn't care.

But whatever. I know that we will remain friends in the end. We always do. We get along, fight, stop talking for a week, make up on weekends, and then stop talking for a while. Then here we go again. So I don't think that this time will be any different. That is just the way we are. Things will be different tomorrow so I'm not basing my life around it.

sweetestmemories.com

What is love anyways?

There are many types of love. It is quite annoying might I add. I might be biased becuase of my current guy situation, but reguardless, its stupid. Because either its fake totally cheezy and stupid, or its real and sucks when its not perfect.

I have a couple of friends whos relationships are stupid. They think they love the person they're with but they dont even know them. All there relationship is is doing cute things for eachother anad looking good together. Like honestly, its almost entirely about doing things that are "cute" or "sweet" umm POINTLESS! If you just want a boyfriend/girlfriend to make you feel good and do cute things for you then sure, "love" eachother. But dont act like you have the best boyfriend in the world just because he buys you nice things or calls you cute names or anything stupid.

There are also the relationships that are like the current one I'm in. Well, I'm not really in a relationship, but more of a .. I dont know the correct term. We've never gotton along, this person and I. There was always something. My liking someone else, him not being honest, my not wanting to date, his not wanting to just be friends, it was always something. But then it clicked, for about a week. We were together and it was great, but then, being us, it didn't work out. We argue all the time. And we don't agree on anything.

The point is, is that "relationship" was real life. He told me more then he had told anyone. And in the end, I discovered I actually really liked him. He knew a lot about me too. He was like my bestfriend who I hated but loved at the same time. I will remember him not as my pretend boyfriend, or as the cutest person ever!, but as someone who meant so much in my life.

Its stupid what love can do. I have never not gotton someone out of my head before. Cute relationships dont last forever, eventually someone gets bored. Relationships like him don't either. You cant live forever with someone you never get along with, but at least when Im older if I ever run into him, it could be something real.

Some of my freinds do have good relationships. The key is to both try. No lying, cheating, testing limits, pressuring, or getting mad of the stupidest suff. You have to love the other person exactly for who they are and not make them change, absolutely anything. There are exceptions to every rule, and the occasional two people who actually marry their high school sweetheart are the lucky ones, or unlucky in some ways.

I guess at the end of the day, it's just what makes you happy at that moment. This is like one of my favorite songs. It has been forever. This post was kind of anti love, which doesn't go with this song, but its the feelings me and jake had for eachother for about six months.

The art of art.

I don't really know why I am blogging about art, but I am. It is just something thats on my mind enough that I can write a blog about. I think I am addicted to colors, especially bright colors. I love to color pictures and be creative. It is just so fun:)

For my birthday my friend Nicole gave me a coloring book with Dinosaurs in it. I have a lot of the coloring pages on my wall because I love dinosaurs. They dinosaurs are all colorful and have backgrounds that have nothing to do with real life. It is funny. I think that is why i love coloring books. You can just take a boring picture and make it come to life however you want to. I remember one time in kindergarten we were learning our letters and we were on letter E. For our assignment we had to color a picture of an elephant. While everyone else colored their stupid elephants boring grey, I colored mine pink with green polkadots. I failed the assignment, but I had the coolest elephant.

Painting my room was super fun. Not only did it bring me and my best friend to our best friend status, it was fun painting! I made her color the outsides at first because shes a perfectionist and i thought she would do a very neat job, however i was wrong. I have a lot of dark blue lines on the top of my cealing due to her clumsyness. It is okay though. For the next two walls I painted the outside and she painted all the inside. It was super fun painting. This summer I hope we will paint more fun things:)

My brother has incredable art talent. We have some of his paintings on our wall at home. They are so good its not even funny. I have the music, Isabel has the brains, and Daniel definately has the art talent. His color choices and designes are really good. My sister has started to show some creative talent. She painted a picture of Michelle Obama that was pink and green and each square had its own design and pattern. I dont really know how to explain it, its just really cool.

So at the end of the day, through everything, I am pretty sure that I am addicted to colors.

I want to go to SPAINN!!!!

Today I went to a meeting about going to Spain in the summer after my senior year. I really want to go. Yeah it costs a lot of money but I honestly think it would be worth it. I really love spanish and want to pursue it in college. I feel like I need to go.

It costs a lot but I feel like I'd be able to make it less. There is fundraising and I do have a job, and my grandparents love me. I think all of that togehter that it would cover it all. Unfortunately on top of the 4000 ishh dollars there is about 400 dollars worth of spending money. It is a lot of moneyy ahhhh. Also spring break of my senior year my choir group is going to Florida and that sounds like a lot of fun. So I would have to choose between the two, but I feel like Spain would be more worth while.


I love the spanish language. I feel like I am doing something diffrent when I speak to people in spanish. At my work there was a family who came in speaking in spanish and I understood them. I felt special!

But Mr. Kollash showed us pictures of all the places we'd be going to. They are all so pretty! I want to go there sometime in my life. Either I go now or I go in college. If I like it, I'll find a way to go twice! I can't wait to go.

It is expensive, I get that. But I feel like in my oppinion it will be worth it. I will be going after my senior year so I will still have friends to go with and I won't be alone. I think in the end it will be something I would want my kids to do too. I will just ahve to wait and see!

I have no oven!

In the Neff house, about 90% of the food we eat consists of using the oven. French fries, popcorn chicken, my dadsss yummy pizza, taco shells, biscuts, muffins, brownies, bread, ahh all the good foods! It has been very hard on our eating situation. We have actually had to cook foods. We have had a lot of hamburgers and tacos with soft shells. Luckily it has been nice out so we have been able to barb a que(?) yummy hotdogs that I love.

It is one of those thigns that you dont realize how much you love it until it's gone. I hate browines (not with a passion) but right now I am craving brownies. It is quite depressing. I have had to resort my cooking to foods like "spaghetti" and "soup" umm eww. However my favorite foods such as mac and cheese and hotdogs don't require an oven. I can eat mac and cheese whenever I want.

My mom doesn't realize that our oven doesn't work. Our freezer is full of frozen pizzas, pop corn chicken, and french fries. Our cuppords are full of cake mixes, brownie mixes, and muffin mixes. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but it is strange. By the time my oven is working it will be summer and we cant even use the oven that much anyways. It is from 1956. It needs to be fixed. I NEED MY OVENNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to go to work!

This is the first day that I will be working after school. Not a big deal, but it is something new and exciting! lol. I am lucky that I dont have too much homework. I just have to catch up on a few blogs. Working so much kinda sucks, but I love how much money I'm going to get:)

I have always been the type that will ask for money and IOU people. But now that the money I'm spending is my hard working money, I dont want to waste it. I realize how much you have to do to get even like 20 bucks. I worked yesterday 8 hours, and then today thursday and friday 4 hours each time. That should be about 140 dollars. See, I get 7.25 an hour, but I also have taxes, so instead of doing all the math I just times my hours by 7. It seems to be a pretty close estimate.

The other good thing about working besides money, is that my job is only open until 8, so even if I work the "night shift" I'm still done by 8:30 at the latest and on weekdays still have time for homework, and on the weekends can still do something. It is a good thing.

Working eight hours at a time is super tiring. Especially that I dont have good shoes. Either they don't have arches, which hurts my back, or they are too tight along the heel and sides, which hurts my feet. Etiher way somethings hurting. I usually get tired by hour 5 so I am hoping that four hours tonight isnt' that hard. I am kind of exctied:)

I like working:) for now.

Drama's over!

I know blogs about drama are lame and make people laugh, but this isn't just a stupid boy drama girl drama filled story. This is real life. It has been hard for a while and i know that drama will find me again, but for now it is over and it is good.

My boy drama is over. I went from having no guys to like four guys and then its just been a roller coaster ride with all of them for a while. This last week as showed me that all of them are my freinds now and eventhough that's all we are, I am completely okay with that. I feel relaxed and now I don't feel trapped to some people, nor hopelessly devoted to others. It just works out all around.

My friend drama is finally over too! We have talked everything through and we discussed all of our issues with eachother and we are totally cool now. It is really exciting being able to go to school and talk to all of my friends. And haning out with all of them on the weekends. I am so happy.

When my life is drama free I focus more on school at home and in class. My mind doesn't wander. Also being in a good mood can keep me more awake. I have more energy and put it to good uses. Fights will happen, but it sucks when they are all at the same time. Now that, at least for now, I am fight and drama free:)

I can tell I'm getting old.

I am comming to an end of my junior year and it is starting to become clear to me that lifes about to change. I am about to start my last year of high school, start the last school year that I have been pondering about for about 12 years now. It is my last chance to do all the things I ever wanted to do in my school years. Its werid thinking my high school oppertunities are coming to an end.

I have done about everything that I have wanted to in highschool I played sports, did cheerleading, was in plays, be well known/ liked by others, get a 4.0 GPA, have a billion and a half friends, and get a boyfriend that wasn't just a "boyfriend". I am not disapointed in anything that has happened. However I dont' want to let my senior year be a disapointment.

I only have a summer job. I dont know what my job will be during next school year. I hope it is fun. Plus the job i have I will have school that will be important because i really want to get into iowa so i can stay with my bestfriend nicole. I hope next year I make moonlight the jazz choir and plays. So my schedual will be pretty busy.

Every school year has been getting shorter and shorter as each year goes on. Something tells me that next year will be the shortest year of them all. It will go quickly through august, september, october, november, december, january, feburary, march, april, and then may. Then boom. Its over. All highschool. Done. And then what? It's moving time to get out of my house and start life for myself on my own. I am excited, but scared at the same time.

I have one year left to be a kid. One year to do things to make myself not regret what I have left. Then I am going to be an adult. And that is proof that I'm growing up and getting old.

The top twenty songs of right now 2.

So I have tried blogging about other topics such as my license, friends, and boys, but music is whats numero uno in my head right now. I think compared to first and second term this term has been the most progressive with blogs so I deserve to have a little freedom with my music. Last time I made a top twenty list of songs right now I jsut put the list and that was that. This time I am going to talk about ones I really love.

1)Remember December- Demi Lavato
This is one of the songs that I would put under a "player" playlist of songs. It just really speaks to me and gets me through a lot.
2)Feeling This- Blink 182
I love Blink182 are you kidding me?
3)Tonight Tonight- Smashing Pumpkins
I have had this on repeat for about an hour and half now. Ironically my other favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is called Today......
4)Fireflies- Owl City
Um who doesn't love this song?
5)Cave In- Owl City
It has been stuck in my head all day. I usually love the first song on a CD and this definately proved that point. It is so catchy and loveful.
6)First Date- Blink 182
This is one of my all time favorites. It is SO cute. I just love how much he likes her in the song. Plus it brings back good memories:)
7)The style (or somethng)- nevershoutnever
I don't honestly know why I like this song. It is just fun to sing:)
8)Ocean Avenue- Yellowcard
This has been one of my favorites since like forever ago. I am always in the mood to listen to it which just makes it awesome.
9)Thunder- Boys like Girls
SO CUTEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10)The Rock Show- Blink182
This song is also adorable! I love blink182 and this song is about a guy falling for a girl who was n't interested in him at first but they fell in love. It is SO cute!
11)Vanilla Twilight- Owl City
This song has my favorite line in a song ever: "then I look at my hands and feel sad, cuz the spaces between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly" AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
12)Savior- Rise Against
I have mixed feelings about this song. I loved it SO! much but so did a guy that I just had a thing with so it was our song even though while we had a thing it didn't reflect us at all, in fact its not a love song, not really, but now it does kind of reflect us. It is hard having a song you loved so much bring back memories that could also bring back tears.
13)Hummingbird- nevershoutnever
I dont know if it is the words, the voice, the feeling I get from listening to it, or D all of the above, but this song is so happy to listen too!
14)Fingerprints- Katy Perry
This song is really catchy also. I love Katy Perry. So much! I love her style! Did you know she had a cat named Kitty Purry? So creative.
15)About you now- Miranda Cosgrove
16)Stay my baby- Miranda Cosgrove
Both of the Miranda Cosgrove songs bring back memories of last summer. It is really exciting becasue it is almost summer and I love it. Plus theese songs are really fun to sing and listen too!
17)You and Me together- Hannah Montana
This is me and my best freinds song. No it doesn't mean together as in together together. It means it as friends. And that is why its ours:)
18)The Winner takes it all- ABBA
Again, sorry about this, but the boy drama that has affected my life so much lately makes this song great. If you read my one post you'd know all about it. But the other boy involved kind of just left me hanging. No real its over, but obviously not going to happen.. but not obvious! So why I heard this song I was really happy to know there was one out there to know that someone else has felt my pain(a.k.a. the composer)
19)The hand song- nickel creek
This has been my favorite song since like third grade. I can sing it better then I can a lot of songs. I REALLY want to learn it on the guitar but it is so hard to do!
20)Rockstar- Hannah Montana
This is the song I dedicate to my emo. I sadly found out he has a girlfriend today, but I think he is beautiful anyways.

Cover for The Smashing Pumpkins:)

Anti summer love stories; pro love songs♥

Even though I think books about love are completely bogus, songs aren't. Every girl wants a guy to write them a song, or at least find the perfect song to make theirs. Even the toughest of girls love having a song dedicated to them by their boyfriend, crush, or someone who really likes yuo but you just dnot quite feel the same way. It is great having the song randomly come on the radio and you think of them anad sing along. And if your with them making the moment, any moment, even sweeter.

The ONLY problem with having songs with guys is that it will make you think of him EVERY time you hear it. I have a problem of having songs that I love/ are really popular on the radio, with guys that end bad. One of the last guys I had a thing with and my song was Savior by Rise Against. Ironically, the words didn't go with us at all at the time, and now the words describe us perfectly. It was one of my favorite songs (if you recall my top 20 fav songs of right now) and it was his favorite band. He doesn't listen to it anymore and that song is ALWAYS on the radio now. Of couse we had other cute songs like Falling for you by Colbie Callet (or however you spell it) and songs like fireflies and tiktok that make me thing of him sometimes but weren't ours. The point is is that I will try to vow to never give guys songs that I love again. I will miss them too much. The songs of course.

I write songs. A lot of them aren't love songs, but the few love songs I have are really good. Tehy are just so touching. Some of them make me cry still when I play them. You know how people see the same thing completely differently? well thats how my songs are. They mean differently to different people. It is awesome. Music just makes people feel good. And songs are there for nostalgia. There are other things that make you think of guys like movies, where you first talked/ hung out, words, nicknames, etc. But songs, at least to me, bring back the most powerful memories. They set the mood of the situation. Music = love; memories of love = music. Its not complicated. Its love.

Great love songs♥:
*= was me and someone else's song.
Hummingbird: Nevershoutnever
Vanilla Twilight: Owl City
Most all Owl City songs
Can I have this dance?: HSM 3
First Date: Blink-182
*You and Me- Lifehouse
*Tim McGraw- Taylor Swift
*I'd Lie- Taylor Swift
Perfect enough for you- Miranda Neff
*One in a Million- Hannah Montana
When you say nothing at all- Alison Kraus
You and me together- Miley Cyrus
The Hand Song- Nickel Creek
I never wanna fall in love again- Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach (either one I think)
*Skyway Avenue- We the Kings
Check yes Juliet- We the Kings
*I love you- Martina McBride
Stick wit chu- Pussy Cat Dolls
*Walk Away- Paula DeAnda
*7 things- Miley Cyrus
and all the songs I have personally written aboutt guys I liked:)

I NEED SUMMER!!!

I can't wait until summer. It is honsetly tourture sitting in my room trying to do homework when It is nice outside. Then I have the play after school which is starting to go until 6 630 7 every night. It is sad sitting there but I guess I might have to wait until summer.

Then when I do get off play and it is sunny and nice out side I want to walk. I live right by noel ridge and I have a best friend who lives right next to me who also longs to walk. We will walk around the part trail a lot and laugh and talk to random people. By the time I get home I have to eat and shower and that usually takes me until about 8 830 ish. It is a delima. And because it is after a long day at school and a long walk all I feel like doing is sleeping.

I literally have to force myself to do my homework. Last term I got a 4.0 GPA but this term I already have a 3.7 but it is hard to get grades up. It sucks! I blame the hot weather! But at the same time I know it is my fault. I will have to try to stop procrastinating.

I have my licencse now. I also have means of transportation so it is easier to drive to my friends houses. I have a LOT more freedom. I just keep anticipating how warm and free this summer is going to be. I know I need to buckle down and get focused on school, but summer is just teasing me. At the same time I know this summer will also be better if I loose my winter weight and fit up for summer. So I have a legit reason to skip homework and walk. Yes. Maybe.... Yes.

Things I love about summer:

pool!
no homework!
friends
bonefires
late night culvers!
not looking weird wearing shorts!!
My birthday:)
tan
5 sleepovers in a row
the smell of sunscreen:)
the pretty skys at night
the hotttt weather!
keeping windows open at night feeling the breeze
not having to let my dog outside becuase the door's already open
no obligations
only seeing the people you WANT to see.
summer loves:)
bike rides
just everything is amazing about the summer:)

I NEED SUMMER!!!!!!!!

I got my first job!

So I got a job at Peck's green house. I got it the second week of March. I started work over spring break. I have already gotton my first paycheck. It is really exciting! I wanted a summer job and Peck's will be a good one. I needed a job before I got my lisence. Which I also got:) It was a very progressive spring break.

I do a lot of things. I run the cash register, sort onion bulbs, weigh potatoes and other things that my boss needs. It is really fun working there. I have met a lot of people and everyone is so nice. The t shirts are pink and i love pink. Last night I had a dream that I didn't have any pink clothes so I had to go out and buy some. Tangent. Anyways. Sorting onions and weighing potatoes are my favorite. I think a lot of it is that I am not just standing on my feet at the cash register. It is also a lot of pressure being the cashier. The credit card machine was confusing at first. I have to check ID's. It's not hard countnig back change mentally, but it is pressureful. Now that people are starting to buy trees I have to write warranty papers. I have to fill our gift certificates. Worst of all is when people ask me questions. Compared to my friends, I know a lot about plants. Compared to a LOT of people that I work with, I know nothing. Im not complaining that I have to do theese things, I am just giving reasons on why I like weighing potatoes and sorting onion bulbs more.

I like a lot of the people I work with. Some of them are my friends. Others I am still starting to know. It is a good environment. I got to be the easter bunny for the bunny trail walk. It was kind of fun! lol I love little kids. It was like I was getting paid to be social. It was great! It is just a really fun place to work. Thanks to my friend Anna I got the job, andI a m really happy that I did. :)

Well you see...

Even though this blog is personal now, I never really took that as a sign to start babbling away about my boy problems. Partly because its my buisness and thats something that doen'st concern others who I don't want to know, and the other partly because I did a lot of wrong in the making of those problems.

I have always been the one who knows how to get what i want with other people. I get that that sounds cocky or whatever but its true. I know how to act. I always know what to say in certain situations. But this winter changed that. I had a thing with three people at the same time and they all happened to be bestfriends. Suddenly I didn't know how to act anymore. My feelings and heart and brain were all messed up. I started treating people ways I would never treat them. It was confusing.

But now its all over. All of it. The one guy I should have kept around from the start was the one I hurt the most. I have definately learned my lesson. I now see why players treat people the way they do. They don't want to hurt anybody, they just don't know which one they want to love. Or on the other hand the one they like the most never really liked them that much in the first place. The player got played. And sometimes thats how I felt. It is sad that it's over. but at the same time I am relived and ready to start things over again.

Now this is a really lame poem. Im not publishing it to brag about how awesome at poetry I am. To be honest I don't know why I am putting this on here. I guess I feel like more people can realate to this then just me, reguardless what really happened.

I didn't have much to do

so I took a drive

wind blowing in my hair

radio blaring

I found myself going by the park

where you first held my hand

I saw your truck at the store

where we shared our 1st kiss

I didn't think anything of it at 1st

But then it started playing

the song that was ours

That you'd play when we fought

that was on when you said the words

that changed our lives

The music was intense

the words meant something

It was real! I think to myself

My stomach hurts my heart hurts

tears start to flow

words of regret fill my head

the memories are to strong

It was a mistake

I loved him, I really loved.......

It's over

im back in the driveway

the tears have stopped

the song ended

the song that said the words

the words that we said

that in the end

just like the song

are just memories

of what didn't happen

Brittany!

I met Brittany on the second day of highschool. We met over facebook because she had my dad as a teacher. There was a little drama with us at first but it soon got over and we became really good friends!

We started being goodgood firends spring of 9th grade when we tried out for cheerleading together. we both made wrestling cheerleading. She was the first friend I ever had at my new house. I don't really like having people over. But I did and we were really good friensd.

Then that summer we had cheerleading on like tuesdays or something. Me her and Taylor all hung out together. It was really fun with the three of us. Last summer Brittany was the other person who was a good friend when others wernt. I honestly never will forget that.

Friend like brittany don't ask much of me, but they're the friends that I know I would do the most for. She has never treated me wrong. I know that every single secret I have ever told her will be safe with her. That is really hard to know. She knows what to say and what not to say. There aren't many people like that in the world ever.

She is trying out for cheerleading this year and im not. I want to do it but at the same time I think i just want to keep the memories I have the same. I loved the people I cheered with but I hated the whole cheerleading part of it. I hope Brittany makes it though and has a good time.

Best memories with Brittany:
Pool in summer
Jonas Brother's concert!
Random driving around
popping tire.......
sleepovers going to bed at 12
burger king at like 1030 lol
Hotel at Jonas Brothers concert
Mall
haning out with taylorr
trampoline!
Cheerleading
getting ready for football games
fun fun fun for life:)

When Im fifty I might run into friends that I had when I was in highschool or whatever. And with them I might not know what to talk about. But to Brittany and the other 5 friends ive talked about I know we will be best friensd for life. We are best friends. Best friends means forever.

Taylor!

Taylor is proof that first impressions aren't everything. When she first came in my LA9 class freshman year I thought she was really annoying. Then me her nad Desiree did a book group session thing and we became friends! In the Spring of freshman year we had spanish together. We were Mirandork and Tayloritard. Ever since then.. nothings been the same!

We have a LOT of good memories. Most of them were from our 10th grade year. It's funny that you can have a billion classes with someone and then when you become friends the next year you end up having none. That is what happened with us. Freshman year we had a ton of classes! Then 10th and 11th grade we haven't had any! Hopefully next year we will!

Last winter stated a whole world of traditions for us. She is the friend we make traditions and keep them. We were in Cheerleading together so we saw eachother every tuesday. Then every weekend we would hang out! Always basically at her house. One time we went to the movie two nights in a row (snuck in both times) and saw the same two guys who went two nights in a row and snuck in both nights too. It was really fun. We also made a snowman one weekend. We named him whatever. We loved him very much but we had an accident moving him from the baackyard to the front yart. He kind of.. died.. It was really sad. We also play with beads alot. It may sound childish and lame, but its actually really fun! She is also the person I let listen to my piano songs before anyone else. I don't know why but I'm really picky about that. Shes the lucky one:)

We have also had funny times of making cookie dough wrong, walking to hyvee and back (takes forever), and shopping at hyvee. We seem to do that alot. Were best friends. What else can I say?

Taylor is a great friend. She is the friend that worries about me the most. She makes sure I am making the right decision. She listens unjudgementally and give me honest unbaised advise. Everyone needs a friend like that. I know she comes to me for help too which makes it equally great. When I feel sad taylor knows how to make me feel better. Its like she knows what to say always. Its not anything stupid cheezy and lame either. It is real. Which is ALWAYS nice.

Last summer when all my friends were blowing me off Taylor and my friend Brittany were the ones that were there for me. They were the reaal friends. The true friends. I know that no matter what me and Taylor will be friends forever. Its not a SUPER DUPER EXCITING friendship, but it is honest and definately needed in my life.

Desiree!

Desiree is one of the best friends I have ever had. It isn't how well we connect, or how often we hang out. Desiree is one of my best freinds because she is a great friend. She never does anything to make me mad, tell ANY of my secrets, blow me off, or lie. She is a great friend peronality wise. She also puts up with all my crap which is always bonus.

We meet freshman year during volleyball season. I was the nice new kid and she was the one whos been here forever looking for a change. We were both looking for normal friends and we just clicked. We had a little group of our volleyball friends that we hung out with but we were the best friends in the group. Her mom loves me which is a plus!

A lot of the best memories we have are at culvurs. The tradition started after my talent show when me her jenna and nicole all went. All of our guy friends were working which worked out perfectly. Throughout last summer we randomly would go to culvers and get rootbeer floats. We drew on the table with mustard and salt and pepper. It is where we went when we didn't have anyplace to go and wanted to hang for a while. Its where I met my stuffed animal Scoopie. It is where we sat for a hour and a half and played cards on the fourth of July waiting for all our friends to stop working. Ben! It holds a ton of memoires for us. But things change. Boy relationships end, social groups switch, and looking back at the memories feels like a different time and place.

Most of our hanging out now takes place in her car. She was the first one to get her license and a car in our group of freinds. It really let us mature together by spending long nights at friends houses or new places. We have had a lot of wild great memories together.

Desiree has treated me better then any person ever in my life. Of all the three years of memories we've had, I know that Desiree will be the person I will meet up with at culvers when were 50 someday and things will never change. Always a laugh. :) Kool Kats for life.

Jenna!

Once a best friend, always a best friend. I haven't had more fights with a friend then I have with Jenna. At the same time, some of the best memoires I have are with her. When times are hard she is usually the first person I call. She is also one of the few freinds I have had my whole entire high school.

We first became friends in Winter of our freshman year. It started when we planned on going to WPA. We had choir together and talked alot. Then in the spring we had science class and tech class together. We started talking and hanging out alot. We became good friends fast.

Jenna is one of those friends that is really hard to be friends with. She is completely herself, which sometimes scares people away. While being herself she also tries to be a crowed pleaser. That is hard because she does a lot of things she doesn't want to do, but she does for other people. It probally doesn't make since that she can be herself and be a pushover at the same time- but if you knew Jenna you would understand.


One of the best times we had together was fall break of 10th grade. I spent the night at her house two nights in a row. We walked, went to the dentist, made collages, took pictues, did my hair, twice, got yelled at, and laughed a lot. It was clear that that's when we became the best of friend. That is also the weekend that eventually changed our friendship completely.

Other great memoires include playtime poppy: 101 dalmations and Frog and Toad. Going shopping making me try on stupid dresses. Making balloon familys. Dying easter eggs. And basically just hanging out with all of our friends. I have had many groups in highschool and jenna as always been apart of them. Me her and Katelyn. Me her and Nicole. That plus Desiree. Jenna has usually always been there in my life.

Im not blogging about my friends to talk about how good they are. Im being honest. It has taken me a while to blog about Jenna because she messes with my mood everyday. Either shes distant and I want to be close again, or shes over the top nice and nosy and thatss annoying. There has been so much that has gone with us throught the past year and a half. She has made some pretty bad choices as a friend. But because I can tell she is actually trying reallly hard to be a good friend now, I feel like I shouldn't give up on her.

Im not the type of person to have friends that I don't like. And Im not saying I don't like her, but at times I don't want to be her firend. But at the end of the day, she is always there for me, and I will always be there for her. So even though she can't speak her mind, and shes not her self lately, and she tries to hard, and she pouts when she doens't get her way, and she makes all of her friends feel like we don't matter to her, in the end, she is one of my best friends.

Alicia!

This is one of the most random friendships I have ever been in. We wern't freinds by major choice. We didn't ever have that just friends stage(no not like that). We either didn't know eachother, or weere best freinds.

It all started one speech night of my 10th grade and her 9th grade when I knew she was my neighbor and needed a ride home. She gave me one, but while waiting for her mom we started talking. We talked about who we liked and blah blah blah, usually not talk you talk about to basically strangers. Throughout the rest of speech season we bonded and got to know eachother pretty well.

By the spring time we started walking home together. On those days we would vent to eachother abotu our daily problems (ironically mine were usually about nicole). We were never afraid to tell eachother things. I don't even remember us becoming good friends. We just kind of were. Because of our location we were unconsciously forced into freindship. Its good we get along! We went to two sleepover parties over spring break and I think it was obvious to everyone there that we were best friends. It was totally obvious.

On those walks we usually planned on spending every single day of the summer together. Unfortunately our scheduals were completely opposite. Either it was her camp or my vacation and just random stuff like that. When we were both in Cedar Rapids we hung out. We even made an excercise video for youtube! (please don't look it up) It wasn't the summer experience we were hoping for, but it was basically good enough.

When school started I started bringing her more into my friend group. It is REALLY hard to have a bestfreind that all of your other freinds don't know. Luckily, my freinds love her. We have spent this whole school year together. We have never had a real fight, which is scary because all good friends have at least one fight, so I HOPE we dno't have one soon soon--or ever! And im not entirely sure we will because me and Alicia arne't really just friends.. we are more like sisters. I know all bestfriends say that, but we live by eachother, we yell at eachother(never serisously) and we hang out every single weekend. When we don't hang out it feels like im missing somthing in my life. I know that sounds super lame but its true.

The thing that sucks is that the guy she's liked for a billion years likes her now and they might go out and I will be sad becaues it seems that all my good friends who get boyfriends/girlfriends that they really like tend to change their personality and ditch me. She better not. It would be sad. We are really random. We tend to yell loudly, have the same thoughts, and like the same things. Everyone knows me and alicia are bestfriends. On facebook she is my bestfriend, sister, neighbor, and wife.. nad COUSIN! it works in the end. She by far is one of my top bestfriends EVER.

Things that make us us:
COUSINS!!
choking on plastic vampire teeth
spending 300$ on starbucks
eating a whole box of oreos
sleepovers everyother weekend
JUST DANCE!
Take it off (put it on)
Kiss and tell (and other KE$HA songss)
CARRYOUT!
Waking up Sarah at 8a.m.
hyvee chinese food
we live at target
and the mall.
Sasha:(
noel ridge walks!!
meet you at the corner in 5;)
SPEECH and playssss
sitting through playtime poppy/talent show
sitting through 10000000 hours of mime practice
laughing really loud
almost crashing the car everytime i get in it
gas station trips at 5 a.m.
secrets
bike rides!
shorts long sleves and tennis shoes vs. jeans tanktops and sandles
looking at stupid shoes and sunglasses
okay you get the picture
were bestfriends.

Nicole!

So I got the idea that I want to talk about the friends that mean the most to me. Friends are basically the most important thing to me right now. I have never had more boy problems then I have had in my entire life last week. It caused me to not study for any final--but that's a different post. This post is all about my best friend
FRESHMAN

Nicole is probally my bestest friend here. It is either between her or Alicia. The history of me and Nicole is very strange. Freshman year we went shopping with a group once, and then to WPA where she painted my entire toes. It was really fun, but our friendshipness didn't click then.


SOPHOMORE
The start of 10th grade we were basically eachothers only friend in World History class. Thats when we started talking about things and becoming close. We weren't anywhere near where we are today, but it was our great start. However, spring term we got just a little sick of eachother. At the time we both had another best friend Jenna, who we both separately have always been close with, and we started hanging out alot and nicole wanted to be included so badly she got really annoying. So we got in a huge fight and it was really terrible.

We let the summer settle our differences. We painted my room together and saw UP. That summer was really good for us. We only hung out a few times but it gave us time to end settle things with eachother and become best friends. Painting my room was literally the most talking me and her ever did. It was my officail mark of making us best friends.

JUNIOR
There is a diffrence between bestfriends.. and BESTFRIENDS. This is/ has been our schedual all year.
0 hour: together
1st hour: across the hall
2nd hour: together
3rd hour: right next door
4th hour: together
Lunch: together
5th hour: our only break..
6th hour: together
and honestly, I have never gotton sick of her.

The thing that makes her my best freind is that through anything and everything, she is/ will be there for me for anything. She puts up with all my bad moods, she buys me gushers when im craving them, she will let me control her ipod. It just works out for us:)

In college we have already decided that we are going to be roommates. We already have baby fights so we will make it. I didn't want to go to Iowa. I didn't want to stay. But since I have to, Im glad I got a bestfriend like her.

Books I want to write.

I went back to googling blog topics and it sent me to the same site i got the last time i googled blog topics. Again I chose books I want to write. Last time I got completely side tract and started comparing book love stories to real life love stories. This time I will try to keep the focus the same.



Authors like J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer have some of the most famous books in the world. They got lucky. They got to creat their own worlds filled with things that wouldn't normally happen. They can't really get critiqued on how acuarate they are because what they talk about isn't real (so we think). Unfortunately all the mythical stuff is famous, and anyone trying to creat their own stories abotu it is "copying" the more famous authors ideas.



One day I was trying to think of other mythical creaters or ieas that I could write a book about. I got stuck with mirmades and dinosaurs. I wrote a short story about mirmaids once. That was in second grade. it didn't go over well becasue i acidentally wripped the cover. Then I gave up. I know a LOT about dinosaurs so I think the book I wrote about that would be fun. But there is nothing really magical about them.

I don't think I want to take the time to write a book if it has no chance of being popular. It is hard to write stories about real life thigns. In my mind, i think things are correct or right, that might be inapropriate or wrong. I was thinking about publising my diary (as mentioned in an earlier post) but i think that it would be to contriversial. To anyone who didn't know me or my friends it might be a really good book, but I don't think it's worth it.

When I read books, I think of the characters as me. I often wonder if I got the chance to be in that particular movie which character I would be. I know that might sound lame, but it keeps me reading. Personally to me the only problem with reading books and watching the movie is that I always remember which one I saw/ read second. I like watching movies better usually, but there are times when I don't like them.

Books and movies I have seen/ read both of:

Twilight saga (so far of the movies that have came out- will see them all of course)
Bridge to Teribethia (bawled like a baby)
A wrinkle in time (def. better book.. only book ive read more then once)
To Kill a mockingbird (better book)
(and other related books ive read in class)
Alice in Wonderland(seen everysingle version ever made)
Disney golden books
and others that I can't think of off the top of my head:)

The Pink Wall.

This wall is the only one that I feel is nowhere near complete. There is a lot of space near my cealing and on the side by my computer I really want to be filled. I have three dinosaurs above my door adn I was thinking about doing that the whole way across. Nicole gave me a dinosaur coloring book that i am going to color and hang up the pictures on my wall!

On my door I have picture poster things that my friends have made for me with my name on them. As you can tell I love my name. I have it written all over. I really like the pink color on my wall. It is the only color that turned out exactly what I wanted it to be. On that wall I have a bookshelf that I keep all my text books, jewlery boxes, perfume, photo albums, old diarys, and other random crap. I painted the bookshelf yellow but I dont really like it painted anymore. When my friend Nicole came over and we painted our MOLE day shirts I painted my bookshelf glittery with the extra fabric paint.

The posters I have are Miley Cyrus/ Hannah Montana, High School Musical 3, and a dinosaur DS game advertisement. I know it all seems kiddish and lame but i really love them. I don't care. Everyone bashes Miley Cyrus but her songs mean so much to me. The pictures I have are me when I was a baby, and eight pictures of me nad my friends that are super important to me. I have a college of me and my friend Riley's best pictures. It was her going away prestent for me. I have an autographed picture of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders because I used to want to be one. I gave up those dreams a while ago.

I have my computer on my pink wall too. My computer desk is really messy. My guitar is placed beween my desk and bookshelf. As you notice I don't close the case. It is easier if i just leave it open becasue I use it alot. :)


While commenting on my room I have noticed a lot of things about it. My name is in it more then i thought. I really am in love with High School Musical and Dinosaurs. I love colors. Even though my wall color didn't turn out the way I planned, it works for me in the end. I lvoe the randomness of it. My room defines me.

The Green Wall.

I painted this wall first all by myself. I got bored waiting for Nicole to come over and i got it done. I should have waited though becaues it didnt' turn out the best. I put the gold tinsel at the top because my paint lines were weird.

I really like my windows on this wall. The blinds don't match, but they never have so it doesn't matter. LOL. On either side of them I have flower leys (or however they're spelled). One I got from my old friend Larissas house. The other one I got from a graduation party I went to in 8th grade. I also have butterfly thing I got in a kit. I used yarn and a plastic needle to sew it. On the other side I have a cardboard heart shapped book that my friend Denise made for me for my birthday when I moved here. Inside are all my favoite things. I love it!

I have a High School Musical calendar that I got for Christmas. It is actually a 2010 one this time. I love it so much! I also have a picture of hello kitty in an airplane my friend Alicia colored for me. The two plaque things are things I got from a fair in 4-H in like 5th grade. 4-H is a small town thing. On the same wall I have a glass dinosaur with my name on it that my friend jenna gave me for Christmas last year:) This year she gave me a HUGE stuffed animal dinosaur that usually is on my bed.

The four pieces of paper above my HSM calendar say " I love you" "forever" "and ever" "and always". When I moved into my room my friend Riley made those signs for me. Above my first window are two frozen pizza things that we decorated the summer before I moved here. I kept them because I liked them. We lived together that summer. It was fun.

Above my other two windows I have random stuff. The sun and gecko plaster thigns I got in Arizona last summer. I brought them all the way through the mountains back home. (Cheezy I know) The yellow piece of paper was my birthday card. On it are dinosaurs and chickens. It was my 16th birthday. My mom and dad, Isabel, Daniel, Zero my dog, Emma my cat, and my late fish Princess all signed it. It was an awesome card!

The huge mirror is where I keep all my make up and hair stuff. I have had that mirror vanity thing since my old room. It is VERY unorganized but to me, unorgnaized is organized. Above my mirror are glass cats I got at a garage sale. I don't have any reason why, I just liked them. Next to my mirror is a glass chicken thing my friend Denise gave me once and a bag my grandma got me from China. I have had that bag for a longgg time!

My bed touches my green wall and my blue wall. I have four comforters, a blanket, four normal pillows, a body pillow, my baby blankets, and a huge dinosaur on my bed. I sleep with them all every night. I take two of the conforters off during the summer but other then that I stay cozy all year long. I rearrange my room all the time. I usually do when my life starts to suck, or I need a serious change in lifestyle. I like keeping my bed on my green wall. My green wall is basically my memory wall:)

My family!

No family is perfect, and I will not lie and say we are, but we've have all gone thorugh a lot of changes with moving and all. At times we are eachothers only friends. As were all getting older we are starting to get along more and more. They all mean something different to me, but they all mean something.

Dad. My dad and I go to the same school. I have always been a teachers kid, but until highschool I was never majorly affected. Luckily, he is a cool teacher. Sometimes it is hard living my highschool under my dads watch, but it has kept me from becoming a bad kid. We also play music together. I play the piano and guitar and so does he. We have diffrent styles when we play, but it is fun when we play together. Music is our thing at our house. On snow days like today we both want to play music so we have to take turns. But it is fun having someone in my family who likes something as much as I do.

Mom. My mom and I are pretty close. We don't talk about everything everything, but we talk about the important stuff. Some people think that is weird but I don't care. She likes going places and I usually tag along. We also watch the Secret Life of the American Teenager together. It is awkward at times, but whatever. We only fight about some things. She doesn't want me to get my drivers lisence, but I don't really think she has a say in it. She only drives with me sometimes. We also fight about little things. They usually aren't big fights. Which is good.

Isabel. When I was younger I was really mean to Isabel. I feel bad about it now, but back then I had a reason to be mean. She would make herself cry when she didn't get her way and make me and my brother get in trouble. But of course around my parents she was a perfect angel. I am jelous of Isabel now though. She is super smart. She doesn't care what anyone thinks about her, and what people do think of her is good. And she is very pretty. She is herself always. She knows exactly what she wants in life. I am practically the complete opposite. I care more about social life then school smarts. I want to go far away after highschool to meet diffrent types of people. We are getting closer as were getting older, but we still aren't close. It will happen sooner or later. I hope.

Daniel. Me and Daniel on the other hand are exactly alike. We get annoyed easily, and are annoying when we get mad about being annoyed. We defend those who are right. We also get really really angry and agressive when we play video games and loose. We are either best friends, or we hate eachother. He gets yelled at for things that aren't his fault alot. My parents will always say I should stop making him angry, and I agree that I start it alot, but I think they could lay off him a little too. It would be hard being after Isabel, but I think he does it well.

Overall, my family is always there for me. Even when they are annoying I love being at home. Unless i have to superly focus I like doing my homework downstairs and be social. My family and I have gone through alot together and there will be more to come:)
Us at Grand Canyon! Summer2009

The Orange Wall.

This was the last wall me and Nicole painted. It was about six o'clock and we were really tired. Oddly, the wall we slacked the most on turned out the best. Again the color I wanted was more orange, but it works. I hung everything up myself, which is pretty obvious. Everything is cooked.

My closet door is shut so I can show off my High School Musical 1 poster. I wasn't majorly in love with it back when it first came out, but luckily I got the poster anyways! My closet is actually semi-clean on the inside. The bottom if full of shoes I haven't/ don't/ probally won't ever wear. I hate shoes. Also I have my chicken cloth poster on my closet door that I have had since my old room. That is my favorite part about moving. Getting new rooms.

The nine pictures I have near the top are my sports pictures that I had when I used to play sports. They go from the good ol' soccer days to cheezy middle school volleyball and track pictures. There are my two wrestling manager pictures too. And softball. Eww.

I'm kind of weird and really like my name so I take every oppertunity to write it and display it. There are three things on my wall that say it. I don't think my name is chinese really showed up on the picture I took of this, but my room is hard to take complete pictures of. Again I have two bulliten boards. The one in the middle is the one I used in my old room but it has pictures from my whole childhood on there too. I haven't touched it since I moved here. Underneath of it I used to have all my swimteam and track ribbons but they keep falling off. It was cool I had a rainbow of them.

I have my TV of course and all my movies and CD's on my DVD player. I love my little TV. I actually don't watch it that much. I only use it when I go to bed becuase I hate the two step walk from turning off the light to my bed. Crazy? I don't care. I don't know if this shows up on the picture either, but I have my mirror and fake plant on the floor of the orange wall. I used to use the plant as decoration. Now I use it because it makes my room feel more organic, and it collects spiders. I don't have a problem with the spiders in my room, but it is easier to sleep knowing the spiders aren't in your bed.

The other bulliten board I have is half white board, half cork board. The white board part has signatures from my friend Nicole Brittany Jenna and Taylor. I don't usually like having people at my house, but the ones I do I let sign. Oddly, my friend Alicia comes over more then any of them but she still has yet to sign the board. The cork part has my friends school dance, sport, dance, and school pictures on it. It is fun to see how they have all changed in the years. It's not just the people that look different, its the people total.

The random dinosaur, academic letter, hannah montana, heart mirror, and blue magnets are mostly there for filler. I do love them though. On the side of my closet I have all the pictures I have taken at the mall. They are all fading in the sunlight. My sister made me the crown sticking out of my buliten board. She thinks I act like the princess of my family. Maybe a little.....

The orange wall is the one I got done decorating first. I look at it the most. Though not perfect. It's perfect enough for me:)

The Blue Wall.

Every wall in my room is a diffrent color. They each mean something different to me. They are four of my very favorite colors and there is little space on them. They resemble me. My room explains who I am and it is basically my favorite place to be at my house. It's one of the only things thats all mine.

The blue wall. Nicole helped me paint this wall. She kind of failed and got dark blue paint on my super white cealling. I was hoping for a brighter blue, but the dark really goes well. Funny how that happens. This wall is almost complete. I have an open space for a small poster or a picture frame of soemthing. It will get filled in time.

There are really random things on it. I have a picture of Strawberry Shortcake that my friend Taylor colored for me. I also have this mushroom pretty thing I've had for a while, and these really pretty sea horses my dad gave to me when we moved to my old house. I like them alot. I have two posters. One of Spongebob and his friends( best show ever.. kindof) and a blink-182♥ poster. I LOVE THEM! The heart isn't really in the name but I love them so I put it there. It works:) I have a 2009 calendar of High School Musical. I love those movies so much. This will become more obvious as you see my other walls too.

I have a lot of pictures too. I have a picture of me and my cast when I was in the play Through the Looking Glass in 2006. I also have a bulliten board full of my good memories of my 10th grade year. They have a lot of my friends, some new friends not on there, and some old friends that I'm not friends with anymore. I change my bulliten board every summer. I older like 200+ pictures and put them in my album and replace it. It is fun! I also have another bulliten board that I havne't filled yet. Actually it's a really big picture frame. I put a picture of me and my friend Brittany in it, but that's all.

On my window I have a curtain that my mom used when she was my age. It doesn't go with my wall at all, but I don't care. My non matching room makes it all the more me! I love my room. It also gives me memories. Like the letters L O V and E that me and my three friends took when we rearranged a sign two 4th of Julys ago in Minnisota. There is a glow in the dark star my friend Ashley gave me for Christmas last year. It is fun haveing random walls. It gives more stories to tell.

Im thinking about going personal

This will either be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't think anyone actually reads my blog anyways, so why not. Besides, what I do is my buisness. Half the time people judge things that they do themselves. The world is full of hypocytes.

My life is chaning in so many ways. As said by my last post My life has changed. Last summer made me less self concious, unforunately it made me more selfish. I got sick of bowing down and pleasing my friends who are just gonna blow me off in the end and ditch me. Why do I always have to be the one giving in to do things to please others why I am not happy myself. So I am taking the easy way out and giving up on people who make me unhappy.

Having self confidence has brought me to a lot of new friends. I am not afraid to talk to people who used to intimadate me. My old friends who I have been friends with all along keep fading in and out of my life. They all mean a lot to me though. I just get sick real easy now when they treat me what I precieve as wrong.

While expressing personal thoughts I will talk about people and specific things that mean alot to me. I will use more real pictures and less google images. I will start putting real life videos. Hyperlinks and blockquotes don't do much for me.

This is my blog and now it's about to be all about me:)

Summer love stories- yeah right.

I used a last resort and googled blog ideas. Number 25 on the list was books I want to write. It was the only one that wasn't super lame.

I have always wanted to be an author but I never have the time. In the summer I will start, but they never get more then a sentance. My ideas usually start when I read books. I usually read summer love books. Hailey Abbott is my favorite author, but Sarah Dessen is good too.

Most of the stories are the same. It starts with a girl at the begining of summer and as the summer goes on there is friendship love, usually two guys- the hott player and the cute friend, and a self discovery of some sort. They all end with resolving the frienship drama, falls in love with the cute guy friend who is in love with her, and find some magical life lesson. In real life- that rarely happens.

In real life you start off the summer planning to hang out with your best friends all summer. As it goes through you don't actually hang out with them as much. It is full of failed plans. There are boys, but usually when the girl screws over the guy in some way she doesn't actually get him back. The cute guy friend finds himself falling in love with your best friend, and then you regret letting him go. There is drama galore. At the end of the summer the only thing you have learned is how to regret. There are rare self discoveries and happy endings.

Only two summers of my life have been anything but that. My summer in 2007 was really close to what I described, but it ended completely diffrent becuase I ended up in a new town alone, uncontrolably. Last summer, 2009 was diffrent because it was a self discovery. My 10th grade school year was the most drama filled year of my life, though I'm finding my 11th grade to be very close.

I hung out with my best friends like 3 times because they all hung out with their stupid boyfriends. Litterally I was ditched. On of my other best friends would have bonfires with all my friends except me because I didn't have a boyfriend. Of course that isn't the reason, as she tells me, but I know it is. Noone likes a 3rd, or in this case like 6th, wheel.

My self discovery was learning how to be less self conscious. My self esteem is still pretty low, I just stopped caring. I lost 12 pounds and learned how to be healthy. I learned that girls in love will always chose love over friends. And I learned that you should never actually count on someone for following through. I hung out with Taylor and Brittany two of my BEST friends all summer. They never cancelled plans. They didn't have boyfriends that they obviously cared about more then anyone else.

I know It sounds negative. But in the end, that was one of the best summers I have ever had. I met my cousins for the first time in 10 years, some of them for the first time ever. I went across the country in 110 degree weather and I loved it. I lost 12 pounds! I realized who my true friends were and are. I learned to not care what people think, becuase in the end, its me. I am the one keeping and losing friends. I am the one who sees myself as me more then anyone else. It doesn't matter anymore. I can honestly say I don't care.

There's something about ice cream

In AP Psychology, Mr. Corey will randomly ask people their favorite ice cream. He has yet to call on me, but when he does i am prepared with my answer. Without a doubt, hands down I love birthday cake ice cream. I love cake too. They are two of my upper favorite foods.

For my birthday I get to chose what we have for dinner. If I want to go out to eat or stay home and where and usually I can bring a friend. For the past two years I have gone to red robin. I love it so much. It is kind of embarassing becuase I know people who work there and they ahve to sing. But oh well. lol. Then this year I got one of my favorite cakes ever, red velvet cake! It was from Hyvee and it said "happy 16th Miranda " It was one of the most delicious cakes I have ever had.

I didn't get birthday cake ice cream, but I usually do. I love the blue swirls and the sprinkles. I always mix my cake with it which makes is super delicious. I don't eat much ice cream or cake in the winter because I dont excercise much and the extra fat makes me fat. And I don't eat much cake in the summer because the over makes the house hot, and birthday cake ice cream I only get once a year and that is on my birthday because no one else in my family likes it.

Now that I am talking about this I am seriously craving birthday cake ice cream and a nice plain cake with white frosting, and sprinkles. But it is winter, and I wont be doing any excercise for about 2-3 more months. In psych we are learning that hunger is a psychological thing. So I will eat some fruit snacks or something.
Who knows:)